Sunday, May 30, 2004

teacher/doctor/road side sweeper?

i'm kinda facing a dilemma...i know it definitely won't get better by posting here, but i think it helps when i'm typing instead of thinking...
let me state the problem...local uni results have come back... i'm offered Pendidikan Math's in UPSI(Tanjung Malim)... personally i have no problem with dat... it was my 6 or 7th choice...with my imperfect results of a lesser then 4.0 CGPA, i know that probably i won't be doing medicine in a public institution...
so... i now have 2 choose between IMU(if i get in) or... accept what the government's offering me...or, go s'pore to study n then apply 2 bcom a teacher...
realistically i'm thinking either IMU or UPSI...
the problem is... what do i really want?... i hate making decisions
this is not the first time i'm facing this dilemma of course...i've been thinking about it since STPM ended... it would seem to me at this moment in time that the only person who doesn't want me to go 2 IMU is the most important
if u ask me straight up, i'd tell u i'm perfectly happy not challenging myself intellectually and just go straight in2 teaching(through UPSI), but there's the alternative train of thought, which includes my parents...that i should fulfil my potential...hmm...why does everybody except me think i'm smart?

Monday, May 17, 2004

Survivor:All "sTars?"

i sort of realized sumthing when i was watching the finale of survivor all stars.
Rob was on the hot seat thru out the jury Q&A, taking heat for his betrayal of frenships n alliances to get to where he n Amber were.
There are generally two opinions about Rob Mariano, the star of this season of survivor...not mentioning of course,his 'side-chick' Amber: who took home the million bucks...n how they, or rather, he, since Amber played the part of 'side-chick' to perfection.
Opinion one is my mum's opinion...the kinda cold-hearted point of view:)
"Come on...u're supposed to be the "All-Star" cast of survivor...i mean, haven't u played this game b4..the entire GAME is about betrayal..the only way u're gonna get thru this game without betraying anybody is by voting urself out.So hey, Rob outsmarted u...don't be a sore loser n make him feel bad abt the way he played cos' u would have done exactly the same thing to get to where he's sitting..just dat u're not good enuff"

Opinion two, my what i call the "nice-guys-always-come-in-last" point of view."Oh man..u really shouldn't have done dat...i'm sure there was a better way of getting to the final two..i mean at the very least, these ppl laughed n lived wif u for over 20 days in the what's wrong wif a little courtesy of letting them know before they go? i'm not complaining about u voting them's just the method of doing it" this time u should have realized y i say opinion two is the "nice-guys-always-come-in-last" point of view...the very act of telling ppl u want to vote them out will get you urself voted out...even if u tell them at the very last minute i.e during tribal's just plain dumb :)

but, don't u think it's surprising..the jury who criticized Rob for betraying them, KNEW beforehand this would definitely be coming their way if they chose to play the game(uhh..okay,maybe not Big Tom :P)...they played the game b4...they all HAD been betrayed they had betrayed others...yet when it happened again to them..they were (i believe) genuinely shocked, angered, and disappointed...
which makes u think about Jesus being betrayed by Judas... n u realize dat just because Jesus knew Judas was going to betray him didn't lessen the pain he felt when Judas kissed him...makes u think doesn't it..

Saturday, May 15, 2004


Theoden: Simbelmyne. Ever has it grown on the tombs of my forebears. Now it shall cover the grave of my son. Alas, that these evil days should be mine. The young perish and the old linger. That I should live to see that last days of my house.
Gandalf: Théodred's death was not of your making.
Theoden: No parent should have to bury their child.

Theoden: Where is the horse and the rider? Where is the horn that was blowing? They have passed like rain on the mountain, like wind in the meadow. The days have gone down in the West behind the hills into shadow.
*The Two Towers*

Theoden:...Forth, and fear no darkness!Arise. Arise, Riders of Theoden. Spears shall be shaken, shields shall be splintered. A sword day... a red day... ere the sun rises.
[The King rides past his men, hitting their spears with his sword as he goes]
Theoden: Ride now... Ride now... Ride. Ride for ruin and the world's ending.
[He stops and prepares to face Sauron's army]
Eowyn, Merry: Death.
Theoden: Forth, Eorlingas.
*Return of the King*
(sourced from

this is probably the two best quote from the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy...Theoden HAS to be the Best character in the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy if for nothing else but sheer quotability :)

Friday, May 14, 2004


What is hope?
Last nite i was watching the Thomas Cup quarterfinal between Malaysia n Indonesia...
Malaysia had lost the 1st singles game, unexpectedly won the 1st doubles, disappointingly lost the 2nd singles...and just when all hope was gone, 2 uhh..heroes of sort rose to the occasion :)
It's strange, but as i watched the match between the scratch pair Koo Kim Keat/Chew Choon Eng against some funny named highly ranked indonesian pair, i think i began 2 understand a little wat hope is..
Hope doesn't make much sense.
When ur hope keeps growing, it means things aren't going the way the world thinks it should be going...
Hope doesn't come 2 those in power, or those who are or seem to be stronger...only weak n poor ppl get lotsa hope.
The less reason u have to have hope, the more hope you have.
Hope is conversely related to expectation...heh,in non-mathematical terms... the more hope u have, the less expectation & vice versa.
Hope lets u laugh @ ur own mistakes.
Hope makes u a winner even when u're losing or have lost.
Overconfident ppl have no hope, and think they don't need any.
And yeah, hope makes life worth the living 4 :)
Yeah, btw, K.K.Koo/C.E.Chew lost to the indon pair in the rubber game 12-15 15-13 12-15 :) they still "won" though

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

i'm thinking i should copyright the name grayblade to avoid ppl like mei stealing
my name...i know it's a kewl name n all dat but, hmm...stealing my nick is kinda like PIRACY!!...heheh, down with all those pirates!!

Friday, May 07, 2004

okay... there's a problem...
u know all the stuff about changing the template... i can't use it...
cos' there isn't such an option... i think u have 2 be the creater to be able to change the template
hi... trying it out