here.. and there

people often ask me why i'm here... in kch that is.. why i chose to come here...

i have several standard, off-the-mind, don't-wanna-answer-this-now, don't-know-you-that-well answers... oh.. of course, if i've given u the to-be-mentioned answers before, it doesn't mean i don't like u or don't know u that well... just that maybe one of the earlier mentioned reasons applied

A) training here is good- well, honestly... i didn't really know it at that time... i thought training in cardiology would be good, but still have yet to do medical yet so i don't know it yet and somewhere along the line, i think i've discovered i'm not really the medical type.. but i've discovered that surgical based training here is way better than in semenanjung la..

B) to explore/adventure/no committments in kl- well that still holds true somewhat... but working here has turned out to be a whole different "adventure" than from what i imagined... but i still love waking up and driving to the hospital with a view of Mt. Santubong and a clear blue sky to look at without any ugly buildings in view..

C)money- err... yeah, better pay i suppose.. but still not worth the hardship i think

D) any other answers... i probably really didn't want to talk about it at that time/ i don't know ur name at all...

but well the truth is... the primary motivating factor for me to choose Kch (second choice actually i think, if my poor memory is right.. first was QE) was because i felt called by God to come here...

i suppose even now, to a certain extent i feel i was called into this profession to serve poor ppl without better access to health services... i.e- OA in the deep jungles of borneo... and through that spread the gospel... and well.. perhaps eventually become a missionary dr or sth to that effect...

points FOR include... i don't mind roughing it out... and... minimal pay doesn't really bother me either...

well.. its been a year.. i suppose deep down somewhere i still think about it... but i suppose the daily grind and my deep underlying suspicion that perhaps i'm not made out to do this job has made me think often of going back to kl... either continuing as a chronic MO in some govt polyclinic or doing family medicine and also working in a polyclinic (and then i'd be able to live at HOME and come back to canaan) or maybe.. take a second degree? and do something else for a living- computer technician, sell handphone, mcD/burger king... become a pastor... which looks rather attractive because i get to be with the people i like to be with, and be with my family, and work isn't too stressful... or become a teacher.. which me and my batchmates some agree that is a much better job than being a dr.. what with school holidays and all...

so yeah.. i still believe i was called here by God...and it has really been an eye opening experience and a form of training for me to really question and strengthen my faith and to give me a purpose in life...

but to what end...

i'm still not so sure.. still cloudy from where i'm standing here... having the end of housemanship looming up soon doesn't really help me on this actually.. i have like, what.. 9 months? but being me.. oh well... see how la...